The Coach House, Scottsdale, Arizona

When I see a t-shirt that reads “If you haven’t been [here], you have been to [this town]”, my first reaction is, “RUN!!!” Then I want to itch, then vomit, then run a little more before itching a whole lot. But like that one in a million, jaw-dropping-gorgeous woman who also has a great personality, there are always exceptions. Well, the Coach House certainly ain’t no glam cat, but it’s sure does have a great personality.

From the catchy phrase on the official Coach House t-shirt, one would think this is an “A number one” tourist trap in the heart of Old Town Scottsdale. Maybe it is, but the truth is, it’s a good place to congregate with your fellow day drinkers.

One of the facts of life for an afternoon drinker/drunkard, is you will invariably be rubbing elbows with old & older people, shady people and drunks – many times this comes all in the same package. Coach House has no shortage of this, except no one is really all that shady. So they’re drinking in a bar at 3pm with no sign of having been anywhere and no sign of leaving soon – that makes them, perhaps, functional drunks (no, not gonna get all Bill W on you – that’s your own row to hoe), or perhaps they couldn’t get to the track today. Nevertheless, they seem to be friendly people just the same.

It was the Christmas season when I started visiting the Coach House, so they’ve decorated. No surface in the place, other than the bar top, has been spared a shiny, crinkly coat of wrapping paper, lights and garland. It’s sort of like being inside a shiny wrapped Christmas present turned inside out. With this kind of décor, customers can’t help feeling happy. There are, of course, a couple of obligatory television screens, but none of them are so obtrusive that everyone ends up glued to something they would never watch.

During the odd hours (afternoon), I’ve seen no shortage of customers here. Most are in their 50’s or above but despite their multi-decade lead on me; I’ve never felt out of place. Maybe I’m an old soul, or maybe it’s the simple fact that the Coach House afternoon clientele are generally nice people. Some are, like yours truly, a potential drunkard, others just have a few hours to spare and know a good place to kill the time.

During the evening hours, a different type of patron can be found. If you’re in the mood for it, you might just let your afternoon slip into night or you might prefer to let the amateurs have the run of the place and head off to less testosterone-rich locations.

Although during the day, the average age here is pretty high (and nobody cares much about this), I do see plenty of 20 and 30 something’s come in for a nice afternoon on the patio. Inside, it’s cozy and close knit and it’s not very difficult to strike up a conversation with anyone in the bar. Sink back a couple of $2.50 beers and your ability to discuss anything improves rapidly in this comfortable spot. Also, notable, is the Saturday afternoon parade of Harley’s. In the course of 3 hours, one might see 30 different bikes pull in for a quick pint and some chatter. Regardless of age of clientele, there’s a vortex at 38^th Street and Indian School where beers are cheep, any music can be had on an internet jukebox and good people convene.